Meant to Be
by SassyVal
Summary: Where it all left off. Buffy, Giles, Dawn, Xander, Willow, Angel and a possible outcome for all their lives.
1. Chapter 1

Rating: PG-13—Mild violence, mild language, sexual undertones.

Spoilers: A little bit of a crossover between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Set after the Series finale. Technically nothing to spoil if you watched the show.

Disclaimer: All Buffy and Angel characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. Please don't sue me. Unless you want a few of my 5 cats and maybe a laptop. 

Summary: Buffy's decided to retire from slaying, but of course she can't totally leave it behind. Or the men who love her.

Authors' Notes: This is my very first and I mean very first fanfic. I've been a huge fan of other people's fanfic and of course an even bigger fan of the show itself, but couldn't bring myself to actually write all the thoughts that ran through my head till recently. I hope you enjoy….and if you don't I wouldn't mind you lying to me hehehe. Okay, I'll take any and all criticism. I can handle it. I think.

Chapter 1 – Paranoia or just another normal night?

It was a quiet night out as Buffy strolled through the cemetery. What town were we in again? Oh right some town in Oklahoma; I guess they were running out of ideas when they decided on this Hellmouth. Not that it really mattered, vampires and other ghoulies were everywhere. I can't believe that I have been doing this now for 10 years. Maybe I should start to consider a retirement of sorts not that any other slayer had ever had the opportunity to retire. Lord knows that after Willow performed that spell that there were plenty of used to be "potentials" that were oh so very more than potential now. But something about strolling through the cemetery every night gives me a feeling of purpose, a time to clear my head.

Not to mention the lack of anyone special in my life to go home to. Riley was just a memory. He was off working for the Initiative somewhere far away that I don't even pretend to believe I could pronounce. Spike had sacrificed himself before I could even contemplate the possibility of getting close to him in the form of dating….where in the past it was purely physical. Now that he was back he was off helping Angel, which was probably for the best. There could only be one vampire out there that I could ever 

truly love. Angel was off still making a name for himself in Los Angeles where he turned an evil law firm around and used it to do good things. Another plus added to Angel's redemption column.

Thinking of Angel just makes me remember all the good times and even the bad…yes there would always be a touch of sadness in knowing it could never work, but it didn't stop the heart from racing a bit or still wishing it could work. Another part of me also realizes how much I miss Xander. He is my Xander shaped friend. How could I not love that goofy smile that he smiled just for me? A part of me had always loved him, but I'm not sure I could ever risk that possibility of losing him as a friend. He may not even care about me anymore. Not after Cordelia and Anya. I just didn't realize it till he was gone. Maybe it's too late. Plus, what if we did give it a try and it just ended in another of my relationship messes. Lord knows I've had plenty of messes. Maybe instead of retiring I should just move away and stroll through other cemeteries in other countries, expand my horizons so to speak. What or who would stop me? Xander was of course off in the UK with Dawn as she attended college at Oxford. Willow had gone to Australia, after the sudden loss of Kennedy she found that she needed some time to clear her head.

Giles, well Giles was still here. He wouldn't ever leave me again; at least that is what he had sworn the night I blew up Sunnydale. He had even managed to meet someone new. A lovely woman who ran the coffee shop across from the new Magic Box that we opened; her name was Dorinda Lively, of course it was now Dorinda Giles. Coffee sure was a plus…along with the fact that she knew all our darkest secrets as she had lost her brother to a vampire 3 years ago. She had taken it upon herself to watch out for others who were less informed until we had come along. Now she helps, but in a more advisory capacity, which I know makes Giles worry less.

With all these thoughts I had failed to notice a vampire sneaking up behind me. I heard a "snap" from behind me as a twig broke and immediately berated myself for being so unabsorbed in my surroundings. Where did I hide Mr. Pointy today? Finding it I readied for an attack. Thankfully the vampire was a newbie and easily dispensed of. Dusting myself off I took stock of my surroundings. Now that I'm actually paying attention I can feel the stare of someone watching me. How did I miss that before? I haven't let that happen in a long time. Again my mind comes to the conclusion it may be time for a vacation. As I act nonchalant I hope that the stalker will make an appearance, but I guess he is getting his jollies out of just watching me. Since he isn't trying to kill me or out my activities, I guess I don't have too much to worry about…at least not yet. I think its just time to go home for the night.

As I near my home I can still feel the eyes watching me. It's really beginning to creep me out. I want to yell at them to come out and face me, but I decide that I need to get home. They will attack when they are ready to attack. I make it home without any other incidents thankfully.

I walk up the dirt path towards my new home. It is a beautiful two story brick house with trees surrounding it on all sides. My only neighbors are about 15 miles away. In my line of work it is a plus. As I open the front door I'm accosted by the smell of coffee and burnt popcorn. I turn the corner to the living room and find Giles and Dorinda stretched out and comfy on the sofa. Apparently waiting for me to get home to hear how my patrol went. Dorinda see's me first, "Hi Buffy, sorry for the burnt popcorn smell" as she stretches gracefully, "Rupert says that the microwave is just not the way to pop popcorn and got the kind that you set on the stove. Of course then he gets way too involved in one of his demon books and doesn't even notice the kitchen is on fire." "Hrmphhh, it was a first edition" was Giles' only response. I'm doubled up laughing, but finally squeak out "but as long as you two are here to retell the story to me and my house is still standing I'm sure everything is all well on your end." They both smile and nod in agreement.

"Corrina spoke to Dorinda. She said that Texas was keeping quiet at the moment, and the others have nothing too worrisome. I advised Sheila that she was facing a Corkun demon and that they don't like water. She said that she would keep that in mind" this from Giles now that his face had stopped flaming from being embarrassed.

"Have you heard from Dawn today?" I ask.

"Yes, Xander and Dawn are doing well. Even in between all the reports and studying she is having thrust upon her." Giles smiles as he relays this.

"I'm so glad she was able to get away for college and that Xander is there to keep an eye on her." As I say this I still cringe slightly as I realize his only good eye is all he could keep an eye on her with. I still feel terribly responsible for that incident. Moving on I ask "is there anyone else that has called for me before I go to bed?"

Giles responds to my question in his stoic fashion of polishing his glasses and pausing briefly before speaking, "Angel gave us a call. Buffy you might want to sit down" I start to hesitate to protest sitting, but I see the look in his eyes and cave. As I sit he continues "Angel was finally notified that Cordelia 

passed away recently. She never regained consciousness. He said that since she had given birth he didn't believe her to be in any pain, but it was still a shock to him. Also, he mentioned there was a big battle, but didn't go into too many details, but they lost Wesley and Spike. Gunn is holding on in ICU and appears to be pulling through. He apologized for not calling sooner, but with everything happening he didn't have much time and then even afterwards he needed some time to heal and watch over Gunn."

I can't even manage to form a thought let alone a response. I nod as a tear escapes down my cheek. Dorinda immediately comes to my side and gives me a hug. As I take comfort in her hug I find that I can't stop crying. Cordelia and I may never have been best friends, but as years had passed she had lost that bitchy, self centered, I am queen attitude; at least for the most part. Even helping with the fight on Angel's end. As much as I loved Angel I wasn't upset that he had tried to move on with Cordelia. We had so much shared history that couldn't be forgotten and I wasn't there. If he loved her I wanted him to be happy, at least as happy as he could be without becoming evil. One day Angel would become human. He would be able to love without worry of becoming evil. I always imagined I would be the one he came to when that happened, but if he moved on, I was happy for him. It had taken me a long time to get through our breakup, but I had moved past it. I moved on to Riley and others. I couldn't really hold it against him that Cordelia had become appealing. Now that she was gone I worried for Angel. Wesley was another I was not close with, but I know he had also become a very important ally to Angel as well. I never met Gunn, but was seriously thankful he would pull through for Angel's sake. Lastly, Spike, what could I think? This made me think of everything I was thinking earlier tonight. Maybe I had a reason for all my wallowing. Maybe I subconsciously knew Angel was hurting.

I stood and wiped my cheeks and tried to snuffle the sniffling that had overtaken the sobbing of moments before. I looked up and saw that they both were watching me intently. I began to realize I must have sat there for a very long while deep in thought with no response. I stand up and hug Dorinda and then Giles. "I'm going to go to bed. I appreciate you were here to tell me that in person Giles. I don't know how I would have handled hearing that news over the phone. Thankfully our town is quiet tonight…especially for a Hellmouth. You two go on home. I'll contact you in the morning once I have rested and had some time to think." I walk them to the door and as I watch them get in the car and drive away I close my door. I start thinking on everything again, but I can't ignore the fact that I'm exhausted. It may have been a slow night, but it didn't mean they did pop out of nowhere to attack me anyway. I walk upstairs and get changed for bed. Still feeling like someone is watching I keep turning around expecting to see someone at my window. Maybe this feeling of being watched over is just my paranoia of the town being quiet in the monster sense. I need rest. Hopefully I can calm my thoughts enough to get some sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – The Stalker

I've been watching her all night. I'm sure she hasn't noticed me yet and I'm not sure what will happen when she does realize I'm here. I called Giles tonight to let him know about Cordelia and the others. I loved Cordelia and am terribly upset she is gone. My love for her was unexpected. I still love Buffy though. She was the first in my long miserable life that loved me no matter what happened in my past, but I had hurt her deeply in the past and am still not sure that it is something we can ever overcome. I of course did not mention that I was in town tonight or that certain aspects have changed in my life. I'm still not used to being human and still don't know how to approach Buffy just yet. That night I went back to the Oracles for one last time I didn't know what would become of me. I felt at the time that I had nothing to lose. In reality I had everything to gain. They restored my humanity, but I kept my strength. They knew how it affected me when I became human the last time Buffy and I were together and how I could not stop myself from trying to help with all that I knew was out there.

As I left the Oracles with my newfound humanity my one thought was on Buffy. Being able to see her and hold her again. Before I followed through on my initial thoughts I needed to take care of a few issues. I call to Illyria who had come with me on this trip and spoke to her. "I need you to keep an eye on Gunn while I make a trip." Illyria nods and starts to walk away. No questions, no hesitations. I think I am growing fond of that attribute in her.

As I come back to the present I notice a vampire sneaking up on Buffy and finally realize that Buffy isn't really paying attention to her surroundings. As I am about to yell to at least make her snap out of it and warn her, the vampire missteps on a tree branch and it snaps. She spins around and reaches for Mr. Pointy. Thankfully he didn't actually put up much of a fight. As I watch her she dusts off her legs and backside. I begin to realize she is fully attentive now. She knows someone is watching her. I can tell by the way she is holding herself. She frowns, turns around, and begins to head towards the exit.

I stay behind her putting a little bit of extra space in between us, but I follow her home. At one point I thought she was going to turn around and yell at me, but she changes her mind which is evident in her facial features and she continues on. As she walks into her two-story home I close the distance. I watch from outside through a window and what I see is Buffy doubling over in laughter. I watch as they start speaking and I see the myriad of emotions play across her face. I can't hear anything, but I know the moment that Giles brings up Cordelia and the others. As the pretty woman comforts her and she sobs I feel a part of me want to run in there and knock the other woman out of the way so I can hug Buffy and hold her close and tell her everything will be okay, that I will never leave her again, but I hold myself still. Quickly I see she has pulled herself together for the most part and is letting Giles and the woman out for 

the night. I sneak around back and wait for them to leave. As soon as they leave I work myself around front. By this time it is too late and she has gone upstairs. I decide it is time for me to go back to the Motel.

I walk back to my room and as I let myself in I see a flashing light on the phone. I call the front desk to speak to the pleasantly plump woman who works the front desk named Olivia. "Mr. Angel I hope you are enjoying your room and the pleasant fall weather we are having at the moment. You picked a great time to come visit our small town. I turned your message light on because a very hostile woman called and wanted to speak to you and when I informed her that you weren't answering she told me to tell you to call her back. I sure hope you got enough info from that to know who you are supposed to call back. She hung up on me after that." I thank her and call Illyria. Only she knew where I was and only she would speak that way to anyone as pleasant as Olivia. Illyria answers, "Angel, Gunn is awake. He is being released, but those men in white coats have escorted him for the trials." I give a small smile at her misunderstanding and thank her. I promise to contact Gunn tomorrow after test results are in from the "trials".

As I lay in bed I can't forget how Buffy looked tonight before the vampire attacked. She looked lost and a little sad. Thankfully that vampire stepped on the stick. It stopped me from having to announce my presence and after that she seemed back on track; Slayer mode. I have no idea when I'm going to announce to her that I am here or if I even will. I know how bad I want to, but this time I want it to be perfect, I don't want to have anything go wrong this time and not have it work out. Ultimately I am scared that she doesn't need me anymore. I know she isn't with Riley anymore, and Spike is gone, but is she alone now by choice? Or does she even miss me? If she knew I was human what would she do? Would it be like the last time? I am thankful she doesn't have to live with those memories of how it could have been and then have it taken away. For now I'll watch and wait and with that Angel fell into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Indecision or Solution?

As Dorinda unlocks the door I follow her in. I can't help but smile and think how lucky I have become to find someone as special as Dorinda and to have Buffy close enough to know she is doing well and help her when I can, she is the daughter I never had. I know Dorinda has taken to her as well.

Now that we are home I can't help but let my thoughts drift back to Buffy. She has lost so much in her life. To lose Cordelia now, though they were not close, is a horrible thing and as much as I hated Spike I know that to Buffy there was something special between them. Buffy puts up a brave front, but I can see that she is lonely. Everyone has moved on and started a new life, but she has to stay behind to fulfill her duties as a slayer. Granted there are a lot more out there now who have joined in on that fight with her. I've been thinking of telling Buffy we should relocate. Send in another team to watch the Oklahoma Hellmouth and maybe go somewhere else. With all the slayers still being found out there we could start a school or training facility of some sort. Buffy could help train and teach the young ones and spend the rest of her time starting a family or just living.

She has already missed out on so much in her life. Maybe if we moved to the UK she could spend more time with her sister and Xander. Maybe we could even convince Willow to move with us as well. She would definitely be an asset to us with her Wicca knowledge.

Deep in my thought I slowly feel Dorinda sliding up behind me to massage my neck. She knows what I am thinking as we have had these conversations many times before.

"Maybe you should discuss all this with Buffy herself. I'm beginning to notice that she appears to be unsettled. I can tell she is happy honey, but she is missing something, and it's starting to show. Why don't we go back over to her house tomorrow morning and see what she thinks. The worst she could say is 'no'. If anything we can make a decision one way or the other instead of playing the 'what if' game. I've told you before, but I will tell you again. I love Rupert. I will go wherever you find that we need to go. You are my life now."

"I agree Dor and appreciate everything you are willing to sacrifice for me. Do you mind changing our plans for the state fair tomorrow? I think I could pass on the junk food and rides if you can, I really just wanted to go to see the art work that is displayed."

"Not a problem. I want what is best for you and Buffy. I feel like she has become my daughter. I love her and I hate to see her upset, or you, and we know that by extension you feel what she feels."

"I can't tell you how much I love you right now. I am so happy to call you my wife."

"Oh I know how you can show me." Dorinda said with a small quirk of her left eyebrow.

I grab her then and carry her to our room. And repeatedly show her how very important and love she is.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Changes

I woke up early. Not really feeling totally rested, but enough to get me through the day. I find myself drawn to my yearbooks from my time at Sunnydale High. I open them and flip through the pages. I see Willow's shy smile smiling back at me and then Xander's goofy grin. I flip closer to the front and find the smiling picture of Cordelia Chase. I remember when I began at Sunnydale and she tried to befriend me. Of course it was only for the cool factor of me coming from Los Angeles. Thankfully I had a mind of my own and continued hanging out with Willow and Xander, even against Cordelia's warnings, but I also am glad that she found me appealing at the time. Otherwise I might have gone through my whole high school life not getting to know the wonderful person Cordelia would become. I sigh as I put the book back on its shelf. As my stomach grumbles I realize I didn't eat dinner last night and figure it might be a good idea to fix myself some breakfast.

I head downstairs towards the kitchen trying to decide what to eat. I think I can handle some simple pancakes without burning them, maybe even some bacon. As I begin mixing the pancakes and getting out the bacon I begin to rethink the possibility of retiring. There are so many places I haven't been able to visit. More than anything I think I would like to go to Oxford though and see Dawn and of course Xander. I miss Willow too. Maybe she could meet up with us. If I can't retire then I at least want a vacation. A little time away with no slayage. Time to spend doing girly stuff and spending time with family.

I hear a knock at the door and see Giles and Dorinda through the door's window. I wave them through "would you like some pancakes and bacon you two?"

"We would love some Buffy. Ermm, do you need help?" I turn and see the worried glances they are giving each other.

"Hey! I think I can handle some little pancakes and bacon. I may not be a gourmet chef, but these aren't that hard to cook."

Giles at least makes an effort at looking chagrined. "We didn't mean to imply you couldn't handle it Buffy. But remember the Mac n' Cheese escapade?" A small giggle escapes from Dorinda.

"That wasn't my fault! How was I supposed to know that I wasn't supposed to put the macaroni in the pot before the water was boiling?" I have to smile a bit though at the thought of the rubbery noodles and watery cheese sauce. "Plus I thought it tasted good with the peas in it. It was a good experiment."

"Needless to say I hope you haven't decided to 'experiment' on the pancakes."

"Of course not. Pancakes are heavenly just the way they are. So how have I become so lucky to have been graced with both of your presences this morning?"

"Well," Giles began "I have been thinking," at a slight nudge from his wife he amends, "okay we have been thinking and discussing the possibility of relocating. We could send in a new team to cover this Hellmouth, considering its unusually quiet might make it the best time to do this. We could go somewhere out of the country. Maybe see Dawn and Xander. You did get your passport after Sunnydale blew up and haven't been able to benefit from it. I was thinking we could go to stay or just to visit for a nice break. What do you think?" As Giles finishes and takes in a deep breath. I smile because he rushed through that whole spiel like he was afraid I would interrupt.

I stand there thinking about how in tune Giles and I have become. He has really become a 2nd father to me. "You know how odd that is? I was just thinking the same thing last night and this morning. I really need to get away for more of a break. I miss Dawn and everyone else. I was just thinking that some time with my friends and family was just what I needed. Especially after the news we received last night. I know we would hear from someone if something were to happen with Dawn or even Xander, but being able to physically see them and be there if something were to happen would put my mind at ease. When could we leave?"

"I was thinking sometime within the week. We would just need to contact a team to come out here and cover you. I was thinking Faith might be interested, but I have been thinking on some new plans and she would be pertinent to those plans working out. As would you Buffy."

I give him a quizzical look knowing I have a pretty good idea what these plans are I still ask, "and what dirty thoughts could be going through that British brain of yours that would put me and Faith together?"

As Giles starts to turn red I start to feel pity for the poor man, "oh Giles I'm just kidding, but seriously what have you been thinking? Dorinda could you grab some plates down? I'll bring the food over along with the syrup and butter."

Dorinda sets the table with plates and silverware "Thanks Dorinda."

Giles finally gets over his embarrassment and sits down and starts eating, but he see's that he is being stared at, "what?"

"Are you ever going to relay to us this big mysterious plan that involves Faith and me somehow getting along working together in some capacity?"

"Yes, I had also been thinking about all the slayers that are being found all over the world. The council is trying to keep watch for them, but there are only so many watchers out there and a plethora of slayers for them to take care of. I have been considering going overseas and starting up a Slayer school, a school where slayers can come to be taught the basics in education and also to train. That is where you and Faith would come in; and I'm hoping Willow as well. Her Wicca knowledge could come in handy and there are some that could benefit from that knowledge. No one outside of slayers, and of course Dawn if she would like, would be admitted to this school, but we can't exactly name it Slayer Academy. We will have strict application verifications. There maybe lots of slayers, but we still need to keep a modicum of secrecy and with all those slayers around means extra work at keeping that secret. So, what do you think?" taking a stab at his pancakes, finding nothing alarming in the make up of them he takes a bite.

"I think that may be just what I am needing. Can we leave in the next few days? I think Valerie would love to come back home and take care of this Hellmouth, but I would like to give her a bit of backup. Maybe Renee', Stephanie, and Ginger would be good choices for her. They each have a bit of different experience and would work well together."

"I agree Buffy. I will contact them this afternoon to setup arrangements. Between your house and ours I think they will have plenty of room to sprawl out and get comfortable. I know that Valerie took quite a liking to your house the last time she came to visit."

"Yeah she said it reminded her of her grandma's home."

"Well, if they can be here within the night we can get them setup and do one last patrol with them. I know Shawn will come out here and watch over the girls since I will be away."

"Well, while I clean up breakfast why don't you go into the living room and try to reach them. I'm anxious to get this started. After you are done I will contact Xander and Dawn and if I can get a hold of her I will call Willow."

"Brilliant Buffy. I really must say I think this is what we all needed."

I smile and nod while Dorinda helps clean dishes and put food away. "Go on Giles I think we have it taken care of."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Los Angeles Calling

I watched the scene playing out before me. They were all so happy just being able to share a meal together. I want that with Buffy. I want to be able to spend everyday with her. Share all my thoughts with her. I'm so lost in my jealousy because I'm not in there with them that I barely recognize my cell phone ringing. When I finally get the blasted thing open I've missed the call. Cordelia always did tell me I needed to become more "computer friendly." I don't recognize the number, but since Gunn is in the hospital there is a good chance they might be trying to reach me with important info. I dial the missed number and wait for an answer. Illyria answers in her almost robotic like tone. "Illyria its Angel, I didn't make it to the phone in time is Gunn alright?"

"Yes, he is back from his trials. He needs your help right now though. I called per his request. Could you make it back for his release?"

"Yes, I will be home shortly. My trip can wait for a little while, I've waited 200+ years what's a few more days?"

"I will expect you tonight then. I'll inform Gunn."

"Thank you Illyria." I sigh, Gunn needs my help. He made it through our battle and will expect some answers and I owe it to him for all of his help. Plus I need to tell him about Spike. I can't expect Illyria to relay that message to him gently.

I take one last look at the scene before me and walk away. I thankfully brought my rental car this time. I just need to refuel and make it to the airport. I can make it back in about 8 hours time that way.

Later that night as I park in the Hospital's parking lot. I begin to regret my cautious attitude towards Buffy. I love her. She might still love me. I'm human. It's the scenario I've always dreamed about. Why have I become such a chicken now that I can have it? I should have told her. There are no excuses. I sigh and wait on the sliding glass doors to open. As I approach the desk I see Illyria awaiting my arrival so I change courses to meet up with her. She thankfully has chosen her "Fred" look to be out in the open. The last thing that is needed is to cause panic to the waiting room of already tired and frightened people; although the look makes me slightly uneasy. We lost the real Winifred and the fact she can just 

change her appearance at will to the dear friend that we lost unnerves me. I reach her as she turns and heads down one of the corridors. I follow her until she reaches Gunn's room. Gunn looks up and a bit of a smirk touches his face.

"So I hear the big guy finally got his big reward."

I smile a little and nod my head. Thinking of all it cost to get my reward though makes it hard to see the positive in it. "It's good to see you awake and needless to say, alive."

"Oh don't I know it! I heard about Spike man. At least he died fighting the good fight. Also, we knew there could only be one of you two that could get the reward of becoming human. And from my point of view I'm glad it was you."

"Well, it's nice to be appreciated."

"Okay I think I'm ready to be sprung. I'm tired of all the grey happy they think they are blessing me with, but what they are really doing is smothering me with it. I'm alive, I'm in pain. It's a good day."

"Let's get you home. I went back to the Hyperion today. No one had taken it over so I took it upon myself to use some of Wolfram and Harts unlimited supply of cash and bought it back. I think we should hold up there for now."

"Sounds good to me. Lets go."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Leaving

"Okay Buffy the girls are on their way and should be here in about 2 hours. Buffy? Where did you go?"

"Sorry Giles I'm here. Just packing up the necessities."

"Since when did 300 cd's and your high heels become necessities?"

"Well, I figured it would be a long plane ride and I might need the additional height."

Giles had to smile at that. "Okay, but don't forget essentials like, clothes, maybe some books to enlighten your brain, oh and I don't know, some weapons that won't be easily noticeable to the airport security."

"Of course Giles. Those are already stowed away. Can't you see them?"

"No Buffy I can't."

"Good, that was the point." I give a slight laugh at his facial expression and prepare myself for the girls arrival. I want to go on one last patrol of the Hellmouth and then get out of Dodge. "So is Dorinda back yet from packing your place?"

"Not yet, but she called shortly after I got off the phone with the girls. She is on her way. She had to call her assistant manager Julia and make arrangements for the coffee shop to be taken care of while she is gone indefinitely."

"Good. I left a message for Willow. Hopefully she will get it and make her way to us. I spoke with Dawn for about a minute and then I couldn't stand to hear the whooping and yelling she couldn't stop creating. Thankfully Xander took the phone from her. He is almost as estatic as Dawn is, with a lot less 

yelling. They are looking for a place for us to crash. He is hopeful that the house around the corner from where they are staying is still available. If so he was going to call in the council to get it bought and paid for."

"Well, that just about takes care of everything I guess. Are you ready to leave?"

"Does a pig like slop?"

"Just say yes Buffy."

"Yeppers, I'm all ready to go." I smile at the roll of his eyes.

Right on time, 2 hours later Valerie, Stephanie, Renee', and Ginger arrive toting heavy duffel bags. Immediately Valerie bounded over and gave hugs to everyone. Stephanie, Renee', and Ginger all laughed at her enthusiasm and extended their hellos in a more leisurely attitude.

"Alright you guys. I've only packed the basics in my artillery, which are being shipped in a less conspicuous manner. I have left the rest for you. I'm sure you have brought your own toys with you. Just remember if you need anything be sure to contact us immediately. I know Shawn will be here shortly to keep watch, as only those watchers can do." The girls laugh at this. "While we wait on Shawn and Dorinda to show up lets get going and start our patrol. Then I can put this town in your hands."

"Okie dokie. Can I take the sword? I always wanted to try it out on some vamps. Shawn tends to restrict me to the stake or staff. Who am I gonna fight, Friar Tuck?"

I can't help but look over at Giles at that comment. Giles is trying very hard not to laugh and has taken his glasses off and is polishing them. I'm trying to keep myself from laughing at the irony and in spite of best intentions I let out a little chuckle. Valerie has not noticed any of this thankfully and is still rummaging around in the chest of toys.

"Lets go girls."

"Be careful Buffy and of course your girls too."

"We will Giles. Don't worry."

"I always worry Buffy."

I give a sad smile and follow the girls out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 – Brooding with Happiness

"Buffy is coming to visit! I'm so excited. Oh no we have so much that needs to be done to get ready for them. We need extra food. They are going to need furniture and bedding and all that stuff. Xander? Xander? Earth to Xander!!"

"What Dawnie? I know. They need lots of stuff. I'm sure you can handle all the arrangements while we wait on them to show up. Don't forget you need to…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I need to study, but for once I am taking a break. My sister is coming. Most likely to stay. I can't believe I haven't seen her in over a year. I think my studies could handle one night off."

Dawn turns and gives me the puppy dog eyes. She is so much like her sister in some ways it is scary. "Okay, okay! Put those weapons away. You know I can't not back down to you when you whip them out." I laugh as she jumps up and down.

I let her run around and prepare for Buffy and everyone else's ultimate arrival and I brood a bit. I thought leaving Buffy behind and taking care of Dawn would help me move on with my life. In all actuality it made me realize that I could never really leave Buffy behind. I loved her. Not the young school age crush I used to have back in high school love. This was it. Cordelia was gone. Buffy passed that on in her phone call to me. Not that she would have ever taken me back. Anya was also gone. Willow was off in Australia and when it came to the significant others I wouldn't even be on the radar anymore. But besides that it wouldn't matter. Buffy was all that mattered. It took me a long time to rationalize my decision about coming to Oxford with Dawn. She really didn't need me, but it kept me involved. Even being this far apart I was still apart of Buffy's life. Albeit a small part, but it was there. It was something I could hold onto. Grasp on to for dear life.

Now she was coming to be with me. Okay, amend that, she was coming to be with Dawn, and me. A small part of me wonders if she would ever give "us" a shot. Could she love me? Would she even consider it. Or was I just one of the gang? The thought alone sends pains to my chest. I couldn't imagine just being a part of the "gang" now. Maybe this was my chance. I could talk to her. Not blast out all my feelings at once, but see if she would give it a shot with at least a date. I can still hear Dawn in the background running around at full steam. I wonder for a moment if that girl ever stopped moving. 

Dawn had become more of a sister to me then she ever had been in the past. She never admits it, but I know she knows how I feel about Buffy. Whenever her name comes up I see the look in her eyes when she looks at me. I must be a pathetic creature if I can't even keep it from Dawn. I know she will never rat me out to Buffy though. She knows I need to do that for myself.

Finally I realize that the commotion of moments before has ceased. I begin to wonder if she has left to run some errands and as I turn my head I see her staring at me. She has that look on her face. She knows I'm brooding. She knows what I'm thinking. She gives me a small smile and goes back to her over preparation of moments before as I go back to my brooding.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Last patrol

As we all stalk around the 3rd cemetery I suddenly realize that the feeling of being watched has passed. I haven't felt it all night. I must have been right about the paranoia from the town being quiet. Now that the girls were here helped as well, it certainly wasn't quiet anymore. I look over at the girls and listen to their chit chat for a moment. It's been a little busier tonight than normal. "So, you guys ready to take over your very own Hellmouth?"

"Oh my goodness yes! I am so happy you picked us Buffy." This was from Valerie.

"Buffy we appreciate the chance to handle something like this. We also are very happy that you will be getting a much needed break."

"Thank you Ginger. I appreciate you saying that. Doing this for 10 years has sapped all my energy up. I need a good recharge. I want to be the 'Energizer Buffy' again." The girls all crack up at this.

Renee' asks "Buffy what should we expect from a Hellmouth exactly?"

"Well there is no limitation girls. Anything can happen. Sloth demons, Vampires, Werewolves, Lizard demons, Snake demons, anything. Anything and everything is drawn to a Hellmouth. They feed off it. I picked you four for your different strengths. Valerie you are spunky and a little wild. That is needed. It can keep the enemy off balance. Not sure where you are going to go next. Renee' you are outgoing when it is called for, but can reign it in when it isn't. It shows maturity and strength. Ginger you are logical and restrained. I trust in you to hold off those that will most likely run in half cocked. Last, but not least Stephanie. You spent a little time with Willow and with your Wicca knowledge I know you can help protect and defend all of you. I'm asking a lot of you I know, but I also know that you all can handle it. Have faith in your abilities. Use your knowledge and power wisely. Number one rule of a fight. Don't Die. It's my motto….one that I have found hard to live by….but I have faith you won't have the issues I have had to deal with if you rely on each other and your strengths."

"We promise to watch each others back Buffy. We will make you proud."

"I know you all will Valerie. Don't forget that if you ever need my help just give me a call. For any reason."

"We promise Buffy." Ginger replies.

"Let's head on to the next cemetery. It's sad that all vampires tend to have the same pattern. You would think they would learn a different pattern every so often."

Buffy settled back into her thoughts as the girls started the chit chat back up. I notice a new grave and I notice a slight movement which is what really drew my attention I decide to wait a moment. It is still an awe to see a vampire claw its way out of the earth. It is also hard to remember that I had to do that very same thing not so long ago. I prepare for a fight as the girls watch from the other side of the tombstone. In a split second decision I decide to see how they do. I grab hold of the newbie and bring him face to face. As I see the teeth descend and the yellow gleam in the eye I shove with all my might and surprise the four girls standing by watching. The vampire makes a lunge for Ginger. She lands a few good blows to the vampire's face and stomach. As she delivers the last kick to his face the vampire spins perfectly into the next kick from Stephanie. As she takes little time to knock him around Renee' grabs the vamp from behind and flips him over her back. All the while Valerie is waiting readying her stake for the perfect time to jab it into his heart. As soon as the vampire slams the ground Valerie plunges her stake in and all that is left is a cloud of dust. I congratulate them and start moving on again as if nothing happened, all the while thinking that this showed my excellent skills of finding a good team to replace myself.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - Advice

As Gunn is limping into the lobby I come out prepared to help him if it is needed. He waves me off with a slight hand flip and a shake of his head. "I can do this Angel. I need to do this."

"I know Gunn, but remember you can always ask for help. We help the helpless right?"

Gunn starts to grin at this and then it fades. "I can't believe she is gone. I keep imagining her just walking back in like nothing has happened."

"I know. I do it too. Now that I'm human I expected she would be here to enjoy it with me. I must take some comfort in the fact that she isn't in any pain and isn't in limbo anymore. I pray she is in heaven where she belongs."

"Yeah, even with all the bad that happened before when she was pregnant with Jasmine, I can't see her anywhere else."

"Me either. She deserves the peace of heaven."

Gunn nods his head in agreement. "Have you seen Illyria? She seems to be keeping her distance. I have a hard time talking or even looking at her when she poses as Fred. It seems so wrong."

"I know, but what would you think if you didn't know about all the evil in the world and a blue human like creature came walking down the street?"

"I would start looking into a movie being filmed. Someone must be a very good makeup artist."

I laugh at this. It's probably true. That would be how they rationalized it in this town.

"So are we ever going to talk about it?"

"Talk about what? I can't think of anything I have forgotten to tell you Gunn."

Gunn gives me the all knowing look, "well how about the little 'trip' you took to Oklahoma of all God forsaken places. You must have had a good reason. A Buffy shaped reason."

I cringe that I must not be keeping my emotions in check if Gunn knew why I went to Oklahoma of course the act alone spelled it out. "I went, I saw, I didn't quite conquer."

"Man you need to just do it. You love Buffy don't you?"

"Yes of course, but it isn't that easy. We have so much history. Attraction, mistrust, dating, sex, me becoming evil, sending me to Hell, coming back from Hell, knowing we can't be together again because of the curse, I begin to wonder if we have hit the wall of limitations. Do you understand what I mean?"

"No of course not, if you love her you shouldn't give up."

"I haven't, but I don't want to just run in there and throw myself on her. I want to make sure she will be receptive. Maybe she has moved on with her life."

"And maybe she hasn't. How will you ever know if you don't try?"

"I know, I know. That is what I keep telling myself."

"Maybe you should listen to yourself a little more often. If not yourself then maybe one fine black man with a good sense of judgment…at least for the most part."

"Well, I plan on following your advice, but I'm going to spend a little more time here with you and Illyria. Make sure we took care of the major threats that survived the battle. I should have done it before I took my trip."

"Just don't put other things off too long while playing hero."

"I won't. Trust me. I won't."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – Down Under

I've walked the town many times since moving here; just trying to clear my head, today isn't any different. It has been very helpful to visit a new town; a new continent. Buffy and I both got those passports thinking we would travel together. Except then I lost Kennedy. It was such a blow that I wasn't prepared for. That night Kennedy had gone off on her nightly patrol. I had stayed home that night with the flu. She didn't want me to strain myself and had made the promise she would be careful and that she loved me. That was the last time I spoke to her. I miss her so much I can't breathe sometimes. I wake up in the mornings expecting to see her lying next to me. Then it all comes back to me in a flash. She is gone, those are the hardest times. The first few months I couldn't get myself to leave the condo. Sometimes I couldn't even get myself out of bed. I always knew that dating a slayer was risky, but I always planned on being there to watch over and protect her.

I don't think I could ever really stop missing her. At first when the pain started to abate I had a new pain; the pain that I was beginning to get over her. I think that was even harder then actually losing her. I know at first I came all the way here to take a little time to myself. Now, I keep thinking that I should travel back and see Buffy. She calls every so often to inform me on the events at the Hellmouth. I can always tell she wants me to come there and be with her. She keeps reminding me of her two-story home that she is living in all by herself. I'm glad she has Giles' staying close by though. The whole point of moving away to a far away place secluding myself was not lost on my friends I know, but they supported me in my decision. In the end it succeeded in helping me through the last year. I would have been distracted worrying about the other slayers and especially Buffy. Not that I don't worry from afar, but there is truth in the saying 'out of sight out of mind'.

As I walk in the front door I see the light flashing on the answering machine. I hit the button as I walk into the kitchen to fix myself a glass of water. As the first message plays I hear my landlord asking if I want to renew my lease, because if not there is someone who is interested in the spot. I can't help but think that other powers are at work for my lease to be up at the same time I'm thinking about leaving to go see Buffy. Maybe it is just the power of my subconscious. I truly had lost track of time. I thought I had another 3 months. Has 2 years gone by already?

As I ponder that I hear the voice of Buffy laughing over the machine. "Willow? You there? You must be on one of your walks…or are you asleep? I never can keep track of the time difference. Either way, Giles' and I have made a decision to relocate. We are heading out on the first plane tonight. I've already packed up what I plan on taking along with a bit of paraphernalia you left behind in hopes that you might be interested in coming and getting them from me and maybe staying for a little while. We 

are meeting Dawn and Xander at the airport at like 3pm their time. Once again the time differences have thrown me for a loop. Okay I'm gonna stop rambling on your poor machine. I just wanted to extend the invitation for you to come with us. We all miss you and Giles' has plans for a new school which he says he could use you somehow. We love you Wills. If you can't make it then just give me a call and let me know how you are doing. I know you have Xander and Dawn's number. Love ya! Bye!"

Okay, now that wasn't my subconscious. That was definitely other worldly powers. Maybe I should listen. A change could do me some good. I can't wallow all alone forever. I make a quick decision and decide I need this change; to be back around my friends. I can start over. I walk to the hall closet and grab my suitcases and take them upstairs to begin packing.


End file.
